Well my story begins ...
Well my story begins just 26 days ago. My husband had just bought us a house and we moved in over Christmas. He called on New Years Eve and said that he had made some decisions and that we needed to talk. Then he disappeared for two days. I was so worried with panic that he was dead in a ditch somewhere. He finally called and said that he had several female friends that he felt that he had connected to emotionally. I could somewhat empathize. It never entered my mind that he had cheated on me. One night, out of desperation for the truth, I went to his hotel room after a blow up argument. I swiped his work cell phone and it didn't take me long to decipher his texts back and forth from one girlfriend to the next. I quickly wrote down the phone numbers to both women and then confessed to my husband that I had swiped his phone. The next day, I called the first woman. She knew nothing of me or the children. She was so sorry and had no idea and seemed sincere. She also informed me about a third cell phone and a secret myspace page that I found. I saw the second woman on there and how spoke of her being his wife and she spoke of my husband as being hers. I was totally blown away. I knew that there were problems in the marriage and I was willing to take responsibility for things that I had done or said. Once the initial shock had worn off, I told him that I would and could forgive all and was willing to do whatever it took to make our marriage work. That fell on deaf ears and I once again felt like I had cut below the knees. He has been very mean and vicious. I have already sought out counseling and a divorce attorney. I have never felt this much pain in my life. Never.
Karin M Lincoln
Sharon Fetherston said...
December 16th it began for me. I needed a cheque and had run out; I grabbed his daytimer to get one of our cheques from it. I found a contract for a $411 000 condo, possession date Dec. 21. When challenged, he denied wanting to leave, saying he wanted to live with me, in our house, forever. Confronted with the evidence, he reluctantly admitted he was leaving me, after 33 years.
I am 66 years old. I will inherit some money from my mother's estate; he was waiting until the money was in our joint account so he could take it before he left. As it is, he took the $60 000 that was in the savings account and on the line of credit. This left me without money to pay any of the bills. He also ran up the one credit card with my name on it to beyond the stated limit.
His possessions are still here. I just finished packing his clothing in boxes to store in the steel container I bought to house his stuff. The 20' container is half full, to the top. I have that much more to take out. He has called once.
This has been planned for over two years, as he had retained a divorce lawyer then.
I knew nothing about his unhappiness or intention of leaving.
I am a kite without a string, trying to stay flying but wobbling badly.
Now it's time for you to get a divorce lawyer. And get a good one. Do it right now before the money disappears forever.
And I know you don't feel this way right now, but you *will* be glad you won't be spending the rest your life with this lying, cheating, thieving scumbucket.
Keep in touch and let us know how you make out with the lawyer.
I hope you won't feel worse if I comment that your runaway sounds like someone who never grew up; it's not your job to try to turn him into an adult.
After my husband ended our relationship (his health was suffering because of his double life, poor baby), it took me nearly three months to stop feeling guilty about things I did to find out what was real and what was not. Yes, really: I felt I was invading his privacy when I fired up his computer and found "love emails", photo after photo of the person he's involved with, and porn videos.
It has been eight months for me now. I keep finding things around the house that make me certain that my husband wanted me to pick up clues and initiate the split. It's sounds likely to me that you COULD "steal" his cellphone because he wanted you to.
About the woman who didn't know you exist: similar thing for me. When the story started making the rounds in my neighbourhood, a woman who had had to fend off unwelcome attentions from my spouse said that somehow she assumed that I was his sister! And several others have told me that they always assumed that my husband and I had and "open" marriage.
I'm not sure how much it helps to hear that others have been in the same boat as you. But please please please seek support even if you are convinced you don't need it. Don't try to keep afloat by doing all the bailing yourself!