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"The Hug" by Lauren Goldman

The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, the new book by Vikki Stark, M.S.W. will help you understand what happened in your life and learn how to use this crisis as an opportunity for a better future!

To order a paper copy of the book through Amazon.com, click here

To immediately download a PDF version, click here

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Reactions from women who have read the book:

Thank you so much for this wonderful book! I experienced a whole range of emotions as I read along sometimes tears, sometimes giggles but a whole lot of head nodding and "Yep, that was him all right!" as I turned the pages. Your book and your website have provided invaluable comfort and support in my journey towards recovery from this life altering event.

Jean from Philadelphia.

I sat down and devoured your book - read it so fast with lots of highlights in yellow! I'm sure I will reread it many times. Lying in bed, out jumped your belief about brain tumour and abduction by aliens. I burst into hysterical laughter until I collapsed in hysterical tears. Those were my exact same thoughts.

Carmella from San Diego.

I received your book and couldn't put it down until I finished it. It is an absolutely outstanding book that has so eloquently portrayed almost to a tee everything that I've experienced in the last several months.

Linda from Sydney, Australia.

PLEASE NOTE: This website is dedicated to helping women who were abandoned by their husbands but it is important to state that wives also abandon their marriages without prior notice, although not at the same frequency. It is also important to highlight the fact that not all men who choose to end their marriage do so in this way.

What we need most of all to recover from Wife Abandonment Syndrome is each other!

Here you get the chance to tell your story to other women who really know what you are talking about. The goal of this "town square" is to provide support and encourage healing for yourself and others. Please feel free to write about your thoughts and experience, but most of all, let's all share the tricks we used to "make it through the night" in the early days, and the wisdom we gained that helped us "bounce back better" when we were further along the road to healing. There's strength in numbers - let's give each other that strength.

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Tuesday, April 29,2008

The financial impact

How did some of you cope financially after hubby ran away? Mine left two months ago and took his paycheck with him. I'm getting by but it's tight.

Posted by



Emotional, physical, mental and financial stability are very difficult to establish after your husband walks out. I have a farm to pay for and maintain, a small pension from work and government. I will have to sell my home of 40 years, probably before the end of the summer.

What I have done is to make sure all the bills are paid (something which wasn't done when he was here)and then see if I have enough to make it through the month. I got a credit card in my name and haven't had to use it at all, fortunately. I buy dog and cat food; I drive a fuel efficient car which I had previous to the abandonment and make no trips unless I have at least 5 reasons. I got a phone plan; I turn down the thermostat and do all the regular energy saving tricks; I wear lots of sweaters.

I am finding that managing my own financial matters is easier than I thought it would be, actually. At least I know when I use my debit card how much money is in the account - if any. If none, then I do without.

Good luck! This is so very difficult...

Wednesday, April 30,2008


Well, as is common, money is a cause of many divorces and I think somewhere it is a part of mine. Like I earn a lot and so does he but I do not have a CREDIT CARD addiction and i pay cash for all that I get. I am a professional and make good money. The funny thing is is that I will not be much worse off once his money stops. I was always having to contribute more than my expected budget to bills and he never had extra to pitch in. Also, many of my bills will decrease such as food, utilities and his truck insurance and personal taxes and his student loan. I will have less blow money but I'm good with that and am also being more concious about saving in all areas. I also have an old paid for economical car and he drove a Chevy Avalanche...YUCK on that gas bill. Now I am left with 2 house payments and one is for our extra nice house that I will now have on my own and our old house which has been vacant for nearly a year awaiting him to remodel (hahahaha). Actually things are going to be better for me because I can make quick smart decisions and not have to wait on help from a helpless resource.

Wednesday, April 30,2008


Can't stand looking at things which remind you of him? You'll hear how it's illegal to sell or give away "his" stuff, but do you care?

A woman on Poplar Plains got dumped early last Spring. She phoned her ex (he was staying at HER family's cottage) and told him that she would get rid of his stuff in two months if he didn't collect them before then. His reply was something like "they're my antiques, my art, my collections". She told him he had two months to do something or she would.

The "something" was to hire movers to carry what she didn't want onto the front lawn. How do I know this, you ask? I stumbled upon the "free yard sale" on its second day and now am the proud possessor of "The Book of Small" by Emily Carr. NOT the paperback . . .

Monday, July 14,2008


When my ex left us I was a stay at home mom, and he left the debt and the payments were behind. I had $46 on my account. The first thing I did was call the creditors and make arrangements. I also placed some of the debts on a debt management program. Three months after he left I got a job offer in another state. He only gave me $1000 for the move (when the moving truck rental was $750). The rest of the money to finance my move came from garage sales and selling some of my furniture. Once I got to my new destination and started work it was still tight. I sold more of the furniture and used a budget. I bought clothes on thrift stores. I bought food based on quality not brand (i.e. buy fruits instead of cookies...this also helped with my daughter eating healthier). I canceled all things that were not necessary (i.e cable, internet). Since I only have a mobile phone, I changed my plan to the least expensive one for a while. Lately, I have joined a food co-op which helps with the food budget. One of the best things that I can tell myself and my daughter when I want to spend money is 'no'. For entertainment, we use the public library, attend free festivals in the area, play board games, or bake. My lawyer told me that it was going to take me a couple of years to recuperate financially...he was right.

Wednesday, June 23,2010

Heather in Montreal

It has been 2 months today. He is an engineer retired last year, great retirement cheque each month. Just up and left me out of the blue after 12 years together. Not one red cent since. He has encouraged me to "retire" with him so now I find myself with no income. I'm scared to death being almost 58, difficult to find work. Nothing yet. I have been advised to keep my cash, live on my credit card frugally albeit, then use the cash to pay the minimum balance each month until we sell the condo and I get my settlement. It's so hard to accept the fact that he just doesn't care what happens to me. It's so incomprehensible. It's 4:30 int he morning and I can't sleep just thinking about it. I cry, my stomach is upside down, my heart hurts. It's more than any human should have to bear.

Friday, July 09,2010


Mine left me with a 3 week old premature baby..debts we had yes but others hed ran up while i was in hospital ( nice)
people ring her daily for him ...for cash before payday loans etc hes ran up since leaving me 9 weeks ago to pay for his new life...im slowly sending them his way.
he hasnt seen his daughter in 5 weeks now.seen her 4 times since he left .....not brought a thing...screamed because i went to csa to get money off him...
i go to charity shops for clothes for her and i..or boot sales..i go to shops and buy reduced foods...im trying to sell things we dont need anymore or can do without on ebay to get some cash together....
all ths while he lives on the money we had to keep a 3 bedroomed house going...he now has to just pay for his lil tiny room in a student houe he now lives in!

Thursday, September 29,2011

Cathy B.

My husband suddenly abandonded me after 28 1/2 years of marriage 2 1/2 years ago. I had been primarily a stay at home mom. Some of the things I did to survive financially was to 1. Curtail eating out; 2. I didn't go to a store unless there was something that I absolutely needed; 3. Bought fresh vegitables & fruit from the farmers market which I then blanced & froze in bags; 4. I rented out 2 rooms to some people that my son was best friends with & whom I had known a long time; 5. I substituted in different schools; 6. Bought clothes or anything else I needed from thrift stores. 7. Used everything in my pantry before I bought more groceries; 8. I cut cables down to the very basic service (I did need something to watch to get my mind off what had happened ). 9. I sold my jewelery; 10. I increased the deductables on my car & homeowners insurence which helped to reduce my monthly premiums; 10: I leaned heavily on the Lord & my church for moral support & budget advice. I have learned so much about myself and how to make ends meet. I just want to encourage everyone going thru this that You will survive. Lean on the Lord & trust ur self!!-

Thursday, December 08,2011

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