What I experienced
The person I was married to left suddenly in 1991. He wanted me to go back East for my father's 80th birthday but I was reluctant because I had a broken ankle which had not healed in six weeks. At the same time, I wanted to be with my family. I went for a week for a wonderful family reunion. When I returned, he had gone. I was met at the airport by my
two stepdaughters. It was very difficult for them to break the news. They had stomach aches and were feeling sick.
He had packed his things, and taken a few books and cassette tapes with him. He left 2 typed letters with his name also typed at the bottom. We had been married for 20 years. In one letter he said he had always been unhappy and in the other he advised me to get a lawyer, that he would be seeking a divorce. I felt like a grasshopper with a big hammer coming down on me.
For 3 weeks I had no idea where he was. Then he contacted my
stepdaughters and told them there was another person, a woman 26 years younger than himself. I was devastated. I had been happy and we did not have conflicts. I was 54.
I sought a counsellor who over period of a year and longer helped me reach some understanding. I had to convince myself that the marriage was a fairy tale and that I had to stop loving that person. It was also devastating because I had previously been in an abusive marriage for 11 years and felt starved for love and affection. I did not want to have to go through another divorce. However, I was the one who initiated divorce proceedings. That was constructive. I reached out in many directions to survive.
I wanted to seek good things in my life and have done that in many ways. I have also gone to a variety of groups over the last 16 years, and still go to a group for a somewhat different reason.
When he left, I did not know anyone to whom this had happened. I felt as though my life had turned upside down. It felt as though my life was that of someone else.
My ankle healed and I still had Charlie, a very active one year old Border Collie cross. We had great times together for twelve years.
Any suggestions? This affirmation helped me:
It is my birthright to live life fully and freely. I am worth loving. I now choose to live life fully.
You are a worthy person. Get the help you need. You can come to understand in time. It is a very, very difficult thing to go through.
Now I have quite a rich life volunteering in some very interesting
I wish I had a dog. It sounds to me as if a doggie helped you, and a new doggie in my home would be a good, a fine thing.
Not, though, that I want to take on that responsibility without a lot of introspection.
I'd like to hear more of your perspective.
I am getting worried. I was in love with my best friend, my soulmate. Nice delusion I guess but everyone around us had it too. Yes there were issues at time but we always were strong and worked through those..being stronger we both said. I am worried because although I wonder how hard it will be to try and trust someone again to not hurt me or to feel love for someone else after all of this time. It is too soon for me but I am not hearing of anyone else in here who has a new loving soul mate!! It's depressing as ....
He left after 26 years the first time, then he came back, we went to counseling, he lied there too. Didn't mention another women, he came back after 2 months, brought me rose's every week. We went to Vegas, now that I think about it, I paid for it. He bought us new wedding rings, cause he somehow lost his. He even wanted to renew our vows. My son got married , we all rented a cottage together, then he leaves agin at Thanksgiving.... WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT! I was so confused. I don't think I will ever be with anyone ever again I am 56 and it is way too much work and I don't seem to have the strength anymore. And to have someone hanging off me again, can't see it happening..I thought I was doing the right thing with the man I married. But apparently I wasn't worth it. I couldn't please him, he was becoming a grumpy old man. I don't know why I took him back. He went to the lawyer first thing, then I had to drag him back, he wouldn't finish what he started. It has been 3 1/2 years and he has finally signed the freaken papers....for someone that was in such a hurry to get rid of me, why the hell has he taken so long. He tells his lawyer that he only gets one day a week off to deal with this crap he started. So I tell his lawyer, he has 6 weeks vacation and 5 floaters, you think he could use the odd one to get rid of his wife....every time I go to the lawyers I loose 4 hours pay, cause I don't work full time like he does and I work where there is a union, but I seem to get to my appointments....I bet he is even more grumpy now. Cause now he has to share his beer..He was getting controling, he would be mad if I was tired and went to bed before him, or if I wanted to stay up and watch a movie. SHE CAN HAVE HIM , SHE WILL HAVE HER WORK CUT OUT FOR HER. i HAD HIM FOR THE GOOD TIMES NOW SHE CAN HAVE HIM FOR THE BAD TIMES..NO I don't think I would want to be married agin, I am having to much fun pissing off the old goat....I am hot and she is not....Being on my own isn't so bad. I got the house and the kids, and my sanity, moral, dignity. He used to sit and watch me dose off in my chair and when I wake up and look over at him he would have this dume smeark on his face. I would ask him want was so funny,and he would say "Nothing. I guess he must of been planning his escape... Oh well, HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW. ... i FOUND ALL HIS STOCKS, RRSPs, life insurenc's etc....HOW THE HELL DO YOU LIKE ME NOW. YOU STUPID STUPID MAN.......WE WILL SEE HOW MUCH SHE LOVES YOU NOW....cAUSE i TRULY DON'T..