How I found out it as over
My husband and I were together for 12 years. I had recently accepted a job (in the Caribbean) that was a great career move. We both made the decision to relocate and the plan was that I would move first and then my husband to join me three months later.
I moved to the island, rented an apartment for us, set up all accounts, etc. I have never lived abroad so this was a challenge that I took on with the strength of knowing that I am doing this for us.
My husband came to visit me for Christmas and spent 18 days with me. During this time, he was cold and distant and when I asked what the issues were, I simply got the phrase "it's been a hectic and stressful time"...in which it was since we packed our apartment and I moved. A week after he returned back home, I got a phone call and he said "I can't do this anymore, it's over". I was in shock not only that our marriage is over but the fact that I had moved to the Caribbean, I was alone there with no family or friends. All that I could think was--how will I survive this?
These were the darkest days of my life. I did manage to stay abroad for 5 months after this, I hit rock bottom and alcohol was my only friend. Only after I was in a scooter accident did it finally hit me that I needed to come home to heal with my family and friends.
I did come home, I found a way to get my life back on track and I am feeling stronger everyday and still healing everyday.
Helen O said...
My marriage of 26 years was a solid, good marriage, and when my husband walked out on me it was so devastating, I thought I would die. We had emigrated from the U.K. 19 years ago, with two small children. My husband became a workoholic, and though I often felt lonely, I kept faith with the marriage and with him. As my children grew, I took courses, and worked part-time. I had two part-time jobs, when he left. We had just been on a vacation back in the U.K. to celebrate his parents 50th wedding anniversary, and I had brought my mother back here, and he was disappearing in the evening, and acting very strangely. He had told me about the affair, but said he had "finished" with her - another lie. She was actually installed in an apartment in our city, and he was bouncing between the two of us.(I only found this out later) He told me she "seduced" him. When I got the phone number of the apartment, I called and she said very strangely " I'm independently wealthy" She had zeroed in on my husband's ambitious nature, and being wealthy made her a step up. She also said "I know ALL about you." The frustration and anger I still feel about this, after ten years, is incredible. My ex had told me she came from a divorced family, and had lived with a rich man for ten years. I jokingly said, what is she doing with you then, as he is not wealthy or rich. But he was ambitious, and ten years later, she has him. He moved to the States and married her, very shortly after the divorce was finalised. It took him eight years to get the divorce - again the no-fault divorce.Also, this was the only way he could legally remain in the States. Our son didn't speak to him for five years. I still miss the old person, not the person he became with that woman - a liar, deceiver, adulterer and thief. He (and she) robbed me of my happy life. His family got on my case, as if it was my fault. (I was making him work too hard, expecting him to come and pick me up from my evening job at 9:30 pm)Well after he left, I continued working, and it took me to 11:00p.m. to get home. I'm so proud of myself for continuing to work. I went back to church, - he would only attend at Christmas and Easter. So, I got through it - not over it. Make a life for yourself, don't depend on others, because they will let you down. I don't know if he has found his happiness, but somehow I don't think so. When you so absolutely ruthlessly cut off your wife and children, you can't be a happy person. I love who he was, not who he is now. I'm sure in my heart that he has some regrets. Or am I being delusional ?????
I'm sure there is some regret. They try not to show it by wearing a mask to everyone else. I remember seeing my first ex with his girlfriend at our daughter's ballgame. They were doing mild PDA and holding hands and looking so happy. It made me bitter that he had not been that way with me. So...I actually talked to her some time later. She told me that it was all for my benefit that he was not normally like that with her...not sure if that was before or after they broke up. I miss her! lol
When my ex left he forgot everything even his second set of keys for his truck. So when I go to the mall, I take out the keys and push them and if his truck goes off I go to Zellers and leave it honking, Or I will park right beside him and some one heard him when he came out with sweet cakes he was yelling, GET IN THE TRUCK, NOW.............LIKE what the heck was i going to do..Now that is guilt. what a moran.Brenda