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"The Hug" by Lauren Goldman

The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, the new book by Vikki Stark, M.S.W. will help you understand what happened in your life and learn how to use this crisis as an opportunity for a better future!

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Reactions from women who have read the book:

Thank you so much for this wonderful book! I experienced a whole range of emotions as I read along ­ sometimes tears, sometimes giggles ­ but a whole lot of head nodding and "Yep, that was him all right!" as I turned the pages. Your book and your website have provided invaluable comfort and support in my journey towards recovery from this life altering event.

Jean from Philadelphia.

I sat down and devoured your book - read it so fast with lots of highlights in yellow! I'm sure I will reread it many times. Lying in bed, out jumped your belief about brain tumour and abduction by aliens. I burst into hysterical laughter until I collapsed in hysterical tears. Those were my exact same thoughts.

Carmella from San Diego.

I received your book and couldn't put it down until I finished it. It is an absolutely outstanding book that has so eloquently portrayed almost to a tee everything that I've experienced in the last several months.

Linda from Sydney, Australia.

PLEASE NOTE: This website is dedicated to helping women who were abandoned by their husbands but it is important to state that wives also abandon their marriages without prior notice, although not at the same frequency. It is also important to highlight the fact that not all men who choose to end their marriage do so in this way.

What we need most of all to recover from Wife Abandonment Syndrome is each other!

Here you get the chance to tell your story to other women who really know what you are talking about. The goal of this "town square" is to provide support and encourage healing for yourself and others. Please feel free to write about your thoughts and experience, but most of all, let's all share the tricks we used to "make it through the night" in the early days, and the wisdom we gained that helped us "bounce back better" when we were further along the road to healing. There's strength in numbers - let's give each other that strength.

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Wednesday, January 23,2008

How You Learned It Was Over

I'm sure the moment at which you learned that your marriage was over is burned into your memory. How did your husband deliver the news?

Posted by



That was the first indication that he was unhappy enough after 21 years of marriage, to leave. Certainly, we had just been through a very stressful year where he had lost his executive job, could not find another and had just started a new business with contracts 7 hours away. He was commuting weekly and I was not coping well with all the responsibilities of my part time job, three children, two dogs and a large house to maintain. I fell apart, cried, we talked, made deals etc.We limped through the next 8 months but we all recall a very nice Christmas with family and a wonderful ski holiday together. The next thing I knew I was staring at a receipt for flowers that I had never received. He had been having a relationship with a single woman, fourteen years his junior for over 8 months. He denied it was anything more than platonic but admitted to sharing incredibly intimate information about our marriage with her. Telephone bills indicated 3-5 calls per day to her number. It was without a doubt the most painful experience I have ever had to go through.

Thursday, January 24,2008


About 2 1/2 years ago, we were visiting his mother, who was recovering from a broken leg in a hospital. Whilst he talked to her, he handed me his cellphone and asked me to find out how a specific feature on his cellphone worked, as he was unable to get it working. This man is an engineer !
However, at the time I was still blissfully unaware of what was going on, and started pushing the buttons of his cellphone. Couldn't get it to do what he wanted it to do though (maybe it did not even HAVE that feature). As he continued speaking to his mother, I, being female, nosed around a bit and found text messages that made it quite clear, he was having a sexual relationship with a colleague of his (a woman I know).
I must have become quite pale in the face and asked him to leave the room with me (I did not want to make a scene in front of his mother). Outside, in the corridor I asked him outright and direct, whether he was having affair with her and whether they were having sex. From that very moment, he appeared to be wearing a mask, as though he built a wall around himself, so I would not be able to (emotionally) reach him. And he answered 'yes' ..

Looking back at the situation (now over 2 years ago) I assume he wanted me to find out and. And, to prevent a scene, he chose a semi-public place (with other people present) so that I would not make a scene (actually, I am not that kind of person).

The actual news that he wanted out came to me during a marriage-councelling appointment shortly after. In the presence of a councellor, he announced he wanted separation. A further discussion of negotiation of his decision was turned down by him. He had made his decision and it was final.
Again, I had the feeling, the was using the other person present as a buffer.

Since then, he's been showing all the traits of someone in midlife crisis.

I'm not quite sure whether this is a case of pure SWAP, as we are still in contact and in general he's been more or less civil.

Monday, February 18,2008


Every danged thing I have heard from my ex is civil. I think it's all a part of him playing "Mr Nice Guy" and all a part of him acting civil.

Which is consistent with what this site is about. Think about it. Your guy acted like a total jerk and presents an image (image!) of human-ness. It's unreal.

Do you see things in the same way?

Monday, February 25,2008


You are so right. It is part of the experience. They committ all these terrible acts and tell the most outrageous lies. They use these lies to seem to the outside world as if they are charming and civil and to project the image of the abandonned wife as a total fruitcake.

They use charm and charisma to carry them through and of course employ all the techniques of the passive aggressive. When the wife is emotional and frustrated she must clearly be to blame he will explain. It is like blaming a dog for biting you when you have tormented it relentlessly. To all the world that is a bad aggressive dog which deserves to be destroyed notwithstanding the fact that it has been driven out of its' right mind!

Friday, February 29,2008


I've never quite understood what passive / aggressive is all about, but I think I get your point.

For me it's unbelievable what my ex has told friends. Distortion of reality at best, horrid fantasy at worst.

There are a dozen or so folks around me these days whom I will treasure always because they assure me that I am not worthless because he says I am. One of them, when she heard I'd been dumped, said, "well, I never cottoned to him exactly and I've always liked you a lot." Just want I needed to hear.

A neighbour (male, gorgeous, and half my age) said last month that anyone who'd dump anyone by email makes it obvious what kind of person he/she is. Well . . . I needed that, too.

Thursday, April 24,2008


Being 6 months pregnant with our second child, and receiving a phone call at home from his girl friend's mother in law- that is how I found out- He was working at his second job ( so I thought) but actually he was at his GF house, and almost got caught there by her husband- If he had not had a spare car key in his wallet- his car would have had to remain hidden behind their home.

When I asked him about it- he denied it, even when I had his original car keys that her husband had grabbed.

We then went thru days of discussion with him finally admitting he did not love me, and wanted to leave- even though our baby was due in three months- a very tough time for me- and with a three year old asking for daddy...

Thursday, April 24,2008



That is soooo awful! How are you doing through all of this? My husband left when our daughter was 18 months old. He immediately stated he no longer loved me nor did he ever, and wanted a divorce. When he said that counseling could never work because they couldn't make him love me, I couldn't even breathe it was so painful. I hate to see other people going through the same thing. It was very sudden and blew my entire world apart.

Thursday, May 22,2008


I feel so incensed reading all of this - I thought I was happily married until I found keys in my husbands pocket...who's keys? His girl-friend's.

He said he would end it but then couldn't - would miss her too much. So there I was, we had just moved in to a new house, boxes to the ceiling, four young children and a husband who went to live in a baement apartment with his mistress.

The first night my two year old recited "Where'd daddy go?" throughout the evening. I did not know how I would get through, it is really just minute by minute.

Monday, July 07,2008


After 23 years of marriage, I found ouby a note on the kitchen counter. "I have moved out. Divorce papers served tomorrow. Don't call me". A similar note was left for our 18 year old daughter, "By now, you know I have moved out and are divorcing Isabel". Needless to say, a total shock. No conversation.

Served with divorce papers the next day. Only to be told in the 5 minute conversation 4 months later ( our only closure), “ I have not been happy since the day I met you 25 years ago”. The shock and malice is overwhelming.

Tuesday, July 15,2008


I am amazed how resilient and strong everyone that shared their stories can be. It gives me hope that I might survive this too. My husband left two weeks ago. After going out with friends the night before he woke up to tell me he didn’t want to be with me anymore and he thought he wanted a divorce. He made plans to stay with his parents while he had the “space” he needed to think about things.

He really doesn’t have any good reasons for leaving. Only that I’m mean and he just can’t take it anymore. I refuse to believe him. I have to think that I am a good person. After all, I would never do anything like what he has just done to me. He agreed to try counseling only to announce yesterday that he had contacted a lawyer and found an apartment. He doesn’t want to go to counseling anymore. He just doesn’t see any other solution but divorce.

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. For the past two years we have been trying to have a baby. The past few days I have been thinking that if only I would have gotten pregnant, he would have stayed. After reading your stories, I realize that I can’t blame myself anymore. He would have left regardless of the family and life we built together. My heart goes out to your women with children. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Tuesday, July 29,2008

newly wed

Tuesday we were sitting in my OBGYN's office talking about the next step in our quest to have a baby. Thursday morning he packed his clothes and drove away. He is back with his family in another state. We have had one conversation on speaker phone with a marriage counselor. He, sounding like a totally different person, says he is not happy and is not in love with me. He left me with all the financial and physical responsibility of our home. He has made no plans to come back and get his furniture or explain to me what happened. I am in shock!

Monday, August 25,2008


On our 14th month anniversary he kissed me good bye, I told him I would see him after work... then he never came home. He took all his "worldly possessions" (not even his clothing, just his computer and some other nonsense), he even took my only working car (he doesn't have a license). And he took money out of the bank account, and out of our daughters christening money.

That was now a week ago. 5 days ago he told his family, our children, and me he was coming home. Then never showed up. He refuses to call. He refuses to tell anyone where he is.

He abandoned me with a 13 month old baby girl and 2 daughters (previous marriage) whom he promised to always be there for. We can only be left to think what he told the cops (I filed a missing person report)... that he is across the country and not coming back.

What kind of man takes his kids own money to leave her? I've done the begging, I've done the pleading. If he comes home, then I wish God to keep things working. But I am not holding my breath. I am just handing it over to God. Doesn't mean I am not angry and hurt (more angry about what he's done to these kids than to me)... our baby girl keeps looking for him.

Friday, October 10,2008


My husband of 9 years was the most devoted, caring, nurturing partner and father that anyone could ask for. Friends and family would look at us and ask "how can I get some of what you guys have?"

Overnight, a switch went off. We were driving in our truck, and I put my hand on his knee (as usual), and he didn't take my hand. I instantly felt sick. I knew there was something bothering him, but NEVER expected it had anything to do with me. That night, I asked him to talk to me about what was wrong. He just threw up his arms and said "I just can't do it anymore." I asked "do WHAT anymore?" And he replied "us". I said "WHAT??? What on earth are you talking about?" He said he didn't know who he was, where he wanted to be, what he was doing, but he had come to realize that he didn't love me anymore and wondered if he ever did. I told him that when a switch goes off in a guy, his head has most likely been turned by someone else. He denied it until I told him I was going to spend some time with my best friend...then he admitted it was her. "But that had nothing to do with this", he said.

I've spent the last 3 weeks on a roller coaster. I found the lack of affection overnight to be especially hard. He was my rock, and my soft place to fall. He was always there with a warm, reassuring hug. The weird thing was, he didn't leave. He just completely stopped communicating with me. "I don't know", was his answer for everything for the first week. He slept on the couch and continued to contact my ex-best friend. So, I kicked him out. He continues to see our kids and we remain amicable. I still have hope we can work it through. We are both going for counselling, although he says it's for him to deal with "other issues".

I do find there are days where I'm really strong, and days where I just try to put one foot in front of the other. I appreciate all of the stories and suggestions on this site. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Sunday, October 12,2008


Talk about one day at a time,,I have made it my passion for the passed 2 and a half years to get on with my life..And you have to take one day at a time. Babysteps, I was off sick when he left, he took a week off to be home with me, but he went out 5 out of the 7 nites after I took my pain medication. He went golfing for 5 days after that and never came back, Now he tells his lawyer I have his golf clubs. I won't ever understand how these guys can lie so well, and keep a straight face... are they dulusional.? or what? After he left I have these pains radiating down both my arms especially at nite, I felt the weight of my world on my shoulders.. I had to go on antidepressents. My grownup daughter wanted to move back home with me.. I would cry at nite and she would come into my room and lay beside me. This was after 27 years and I guess he wasn't looking forward to an empty nest. Well I really didn't know how I would enjoy retirement with him anyways. Marriage is to much work, and I did it all myself. Raising my children and a husband. Some days I felt like everyone ENTERTAINMENT CENTER! when will it be my time. Well I got it now.. This passed week has been amazing, I have had two men, both my husbands friends, I thought come up to me and say,, HE DUMPED YOU"? IS HE NUTS, YOU SHOULD OF DUMPED HIM YEARS AGO... MAN OH MAN DOES THAT MAKE ME FEEL GOOD. AND YOU KNOW WHAT LADIES ' He didn't get a upgrade,,,,,,she can't even drive....hang in there ladies.... it only going to get better. Brenda

Thursday, February 18,2010


A little over a year ago we were on the rocks big time, we had a short (3 weeks) separation, all his idea, and he came back to me telling me he couldn't live without me. Over this last year we have had some external stresses on our marriage, he was let go from a job he loved and money got really tight, but all in all we have been getting along better than we had since our daughter was born 3 years ago. We were finding ways to have a lot of fun together while spending as little as possible, and things seemed so good to me. We were making plans for our future near and far together. Both sides of our family and our friends thought that we both looked happier and then one night my whole life changed. We had a small argument earlier in the day, and when I walked up to him that evening, to apologize for being too sensitive he looked at me and said "I'm done". I asked him what he meant and he said he had been unhappy for years and couldn't stand it anymore. I was so confused and absolutely stunned and blind sided. And he just left with nothing but his keys and coat. He then came over the next day to get some of his clothes and see his daughter, but was sooooo nonchalant, like he hadn't just walked out on me 18 hours earlier with a sick little girl while I am trying to deal with the hammer he had just struck me with. I asked him if he would sit down and talk to me and he agreed. The only answers I could get from him were that I was incredibly mean, I was always putting him down (because I pointed out that something like when he cleaned the kitchen he didn't wipe down the counters or he hadn't changed our daughter's diaper in 5 hours with no yelling or nagging just saying something calmly once. I even asked for specific examples and this was the kind of stuff he brought up) and the only reason we had been getting along is because had been forcing himself to being someone he isn't. He then went on to tell me that he still loved me but couldn't live with me, he had no interest in trying therapy or anything; that he wanted to get a dissolution as quickly as possible. And since then he wants to hug me when he visit or picks up or daughter and tells me he loves me when we talk, it makes me so frustrated. I feel like I am dealing with this really well considering but I still feel like a train wreck inside. There is no other woman, he is living with his parents and he just found a new job and had me look at a couple of apartments he was looking at to see what I thought. I am currently reading this book and am only a quarter of the way through it and so much of it relates to my life right now, but I feel like its only about cheating husbands.

Monday, March 22,2010


It was Friday, November 20th. I came downstairs after saying good night to my 5 year old son (2 year old daughter was already asleep). My husband was looking really down, I came up behind him in the kitchen, put my hand on his shoulder and asked is he was ok.

I remember he turned around and I remember how the words literally bubbled out of his mouth "I want a divorce". That is the image I have stuck in my mine - his mouth as he said the words. I was shocked, I couldn't comprehend it and I thought he was joking at first. It was like I had been hit with a cement truck and now my consciousness was floating above my broken body.

He had expressed some dissatisfaction the year before and I had worked hard to do everything he asked. In august he said things were better, we were better and that he would tell me if anything was wrong, he would never spring wanting a divorce on me. But that's exactly what he DID.

I tried to leave the room to process and he followed me, telling me it was all my fault, I was a horrible person that treated him like crap and everyone, family, friends, neighbours knew it. It felt like he kept picking me up and hitting me with the truck again and again.

He had already started making plans about our future, the one I didn't know we would have - the one apart. I went into shock.

Tuesday, June 08,2010


We were together more than 24 years. It had been a stressful eight months or so. He got a new job, had some scary health problems, we moved to a different country and bought a new home. He had become distant and didn't seem to want to talk about anything. I figured he was under a lot of stress with all the upheaval in our lives. When he was ready, I thought, he'd open up to me about his troubles. I was never one to push.

One night, he sat down at the dinner table and got all teary eyed. "What is wrong?" I asked. "I'm not ready to talk about it yet," he replied. I let it go until the following day, and then I said we needed to talk. I hated seeing him upset. I had no idea what he was about to say: "I'm unhappy. I want a divorce." I could not believe what I was hearing. He then told me he thought our marriage was a mistake (21 years! two schoolage children!). It was like a nightmare.

I asked him to please consider going with me to marriage counseling, instead of throwing the whole marriage away. He said it was out of the question. I asked if there was somebody else. He denied it (a lie). I was in shock, so that was basically the end of the conversation.

A couple of days later, he went out of town to meet and have sex with a woman he had "fallen in love with" on the Internet. He walked back in the house after that, and I just wondered "who ARE you?" I trusted this man and was committed to him for our entire lives. But now it's over.

Friday, June 25,2010


I found out that my husband wanted a divorce by finding divorce papers in the trunk of my car. My husband of eleven years dumped me without a conversation, a "Dear John" letter, an email, not even a post-it note. he then refused to answer my calls or emails. He was done.

I suspected four years ago that he was having an affair with a married woman in our church. We had just moved to Florida. I had no friends there.

He was the minister. I was the minister's wife. I was supposed to stay quiet and let him handle it. I knew she was throwing herself at my husband, because she arrived at every church function without a bra or underwear. I know this because within ten seconds of walking into any room in which my husband was present, she found a reason to bend forward to expose her breasts or bend over backwards to expose her ass.

The worst thing was that she came to our open house without either a bra or underwear. She was wearing a mini-skirt and high heels. I wondered where my husband was as other guests arrrived.

I looked out my kitchen window to see my husband prancing around a pool table. This woman was leaning forward with her elbos on her knees and her legs wide open. Hello crotch and breasts. In any other situation, I would have pummeled her. But, I did not want to upset my husband's career.

later that night as I worked in the kitchen, she told a group of people that she and my husband had this intense connection from the beginning. I looked at her and said "So have we." She was unphased in any way.

I confronted my husband again and again. I walked out of church and drove myself home many times because I felt publically humiliated by their behavior. Finally, I told him he had to confront her or move out. he did.

The next Sunday, she came running around the church, down the center aisle towards me sobbing and saying repeatedly "I am so sorry. Please forgive me." I said I would because my husband swore it was nothing...just a crazy woman throwing herself at him.

I have to say being married to a minister sucks. Women throw themselves at a minister like he is God. Men start believing they are. How can you compete with someone who worships your husband like he is God?

Our marriage, our family, my life jusy vanished. I have been left wondering if it was ever real. I have to look at pictures to reassure myself it was not a dream.

Everywhere we went, people would ask us if we were newlyweds. My husband was so attentive and I was so madly in love with him.

I am just destroyed.

I am redoing the bedroom. Everything has been removed. I am plastering and painting the walls. I ordered a whole new bedroom set of furniture. I am varnishing the floors. I am washing that man out of my life.

But, it hurts like hell. I do not know how I will recover. But, I have faith I will.

I am grateful for this site because everyone else I know who is divorced hate thier husbands by the time the separated. I was madly in love with my husband and thought he was with me.

Monday, October 03,2011


My husband acted really weird when i came in from my night job and he was just leaving to go to work so i text him at work and asked what was wrong. He text back we need to talk and so i said jokingly that sounds serious he never answered. I went to bed and when he came home from work i asked him what was wrong.He just blurted out he didn't love me anymore my doing night work had killed our marriage he said there was no one else he just didn't feel like that about me now. I was in shock i never suspected for one minute that he felt this way and i got ready and went to work. I couldn't concentrate at work i kept going over and over what he had said it didn't make any sense i kept crying and when i got home in the morning i was expecting him to say it was all a big mistake but he didn't he went to work and when he got home later he told the kids he didn't love me anymore and so was leaving. My children were 19 and 13 and both said your lying we see how you are with mum we know you love her but he said he didn't and he left. The next day i was trying to get ready but couldn't stop shaking so my daughter text him and he rushed home from work came up to the bathroom craddled me in his arms and told me get ready we will go out and talk and sort everything out.We went out had a lovely day holding hands kissing and eventually having sex i was so happy.That night we went to see friends and he had a funny turn so we took him to hospital he was ok so we came home and went to bed.The next day he helped me prepare breakfast we had sex again and we was laughing and joking and we was planning to go out that night but our friends cancelled so he suggested staying in getting some wine and watching a film. On the way to get the wine he said i was quiet in the car and i turned to him and said you don't want to be here do you and he said no. At first we talked and he said he had only come back for the kids sake but just couldn't do it i started to get upset and he then got angry he took me home packed some things and left.

Monday, January 13,2014


I'm sitting here with an 8 month old. My husband is 40 years old to my 26 years old. So much for marrying an older man, right?
He decided he wanted to leave. Takes his paycheck and runs. Starts looking on dating websites. I found em all. You wanna use technology to fuck me over...I'll use it right back.

He's a firefighter. I'm an Emergency Medical Technician. It was love at first sight...then wham, bam, thank you mam, it's table for 2 and a half! We've only been married a year and a half. And still are, legally, even though he's out wooing other girls. LMAO. He is 40, graying, overweight, broke off...

He works too much. I apparently don't work enough (I guess running your plumbing business for free and watching the baby doesn't put dollar signs on the table...sorry...you'd have to pay someone else a lot to do what I'm doing.)
So he decides to "stay at his brother's house an hour away right next to his work." "You can get a job, take care of the baby, pay the rent, etc."
But what he does is take his whole paycheck to vegas, cut me off financially, not see NOR watch his son for over a week and tells me to "get a fucking job." (I have a job...I went down a step to random scheduling to WORK around YOUR schedule...)
Being an investigators daughter, I decided to not sit back and be ran amuck, hoodwinked and bamboozled. His dating profiles have been rigged to show up only to women a decade older than him. All the dating profiles have been sent to the deletion box. I cleverly wrote down his visa card number to his business account and OOPS, paid my cell phone bill. Logged into his dating profiles and changed him to a woman. Texted him for a week from a fake number (android apps, ladies, TextFree) and sent his saggy ass up two hours away to meet a girl who didn't exist. He went armed with candles, salmon, bubblebath and was left holding the bag when the next morning she (I) texted him saying that I (she) wasn't interested any more. Reloaded the app to another telephone number and sent him a message saying "hey you gave me your number online, ya, I don't do pedophile old men, what, I'm 25, find someone your own age." In an hour, he had received messages being rejected twice. I have documentation of all the text messages he's sent. The guy is such a retard that we were literally driving in the car, him driving and myself in the passenger seat, him trying to reschedule a date with this girl, and I'm two feet away from him. Texting him riiiight back. Idiot. It's so dumb it's funny. And here I've got my head in the window playing bliissssfully unaware. In the meantime, I've lost weight, got my hair DID, am rockin and rollin. I'm young, smart, intelligent and this loser, who owes 20G to his first baby mama, will be plunging toilets till he's 80. Plus the fact that he works for the federal fire department means you can run honey, but you can't hide...and I've been his bookkeeper for his business so I'm quite aware what he's made.
I'm going to be SKIPPING tomorrow to the social services office and sliding across the table all of his info. Buhbye already pathetic paycheck...Mama is not gonna sit back and be at home anymore while you blow money on hoochie mama's while your baby needs diapers. I'm a goshdarn trophy wife and I'm going places.
Long story short ladies, don't put your eggs in one basket because these jerkoffs will screw you in the end. Hide some money under your mattress. Have YOUR car YOUR education and YOUR job.

Monday, April 23,2012


My husbane decided a month ago that time apart would be good for us, that it would bring us closer together and that we could spend quality time together rather than just argue. We didn't get along well for a long time, due to his laziness, messiness and lack of hygeine I would get very irritated and would nag him to do things like clean up after himself and brush his teeth. Regardless, we have been together 12 years and married for 5. Since he left, he has changed his mind. This past month has been the hardest and darkest time of my life. He has cut contact with me completely, and told me that he does not love me romantically and that we will never reunite. He said that he " Cannot suffer me any longer". He has shattered me to pieces and I struggle every day with anxiety, fear and abandonment to the point where I wonder if life is even worth living anymore. Things were hard between us because he did not see the need to do normal every day things. Perhaps he was really miserable with me and depressed being with me. He said that if we had not been married he would have left me years ago. He has been sending text messages to a woman from his work for months who expressed a romantic interest in him and he has been seeing her the entire time that I have been pining over him. I have begged him to come home, I have fallen apart in front of him and told him how much I love him, and all he does is sit there in silence and say " I dont know what you want me to say - I do not love you". I dont know how things get better from here. I dont see any positives. I have lost my soul mate and I have not stopped chasing him for 4 weeks and he resents me even more for that. I would do anything to have my husband back but he already considers me his ex wife. If anyone has any advice, please share it with me. I am desperate and despite the medication to help my panic attacks I am still a mess..beyond what i can express in words. My heart goes out to all of you who are experiencing this pain... it is unlike any other I have known in my 30 yrs of living. And it is true - he has over exaggerated and lied and convinced himself that I am the bad guy, to the point that I dont even know what really is true anymore. Confused, lost & hurt beyond repair... I just want my husband back

Friday, April 27,2012


My husband left me a year ago and we separated for a month. A counselor convinced him there was hope and he returned. We went a year and he acted normal until one Wednesday I get a text that says papers are being served that night and not to contact him. No warning. Just out of the blue. Even the counselor we were seeing said everything seemed great. We bought a house two months ago together. I have two children (his stepchildren) at home. They are devastated. I am devastated. No explanation, no conversation with him. He did text me last week stating he didn't love me and sorry. It is like he is a different person. The problem is my emotions cannot be turned off and no matter how great the pain, I still love and miss him. The sad reality, I will never be able to go back there as I could never trust him again. So unfair to live with the reality of a runaway husband. It is so sad to read all of the other stories and to know that this is so common.

Tuesday, August 07,2012


We had the fairy tale relationship, the couple everyone loved having around. Like every marriege we struggled with money, kids, etc ... life but i alwyas thought we would be together thru it all. We were married for 14 years, my husband had seemed distant in the last 2 years that i could recall. He would make off hand statements like i want more out of life, started running, going out for happy hours at the new job he had. It was a stressful job so i gave him freedom to hang with the guys from the office...little did i know. ON Jan. 22, 2010 he wanted a date night so i dropped kids off with my mom and when i came home he was already there - crying on the couch. He sat me down took my hands...i thought someone in the family had died. Then he told me "I met someone else, i love her and i am leaving." He stayed around for another 3 months...said he broke it off with her and we started therapy. The other woman even started dating another man in the office (she too had just separated from her husband) That drove him crazy and he then left home. 2.5 years later they are still together having the time of their lives going on trips and partying while i am still in shock and despair and the hurt doesn't seem to go away for me or my kids. Whats worse is that he seems to not have any remorse at all for what he has done and his family supports his choices.

Sunday, August 19,2012


Oh my goodness! You recent ladies, please re-post on page 47, nobody is ignoring your posts, its just the way the site is right now...

Tuesday, October 16,2012


Been married for 10 years to my highschool sweetheart. He got out of the military 2 years ago and went in a pit of drugs with his enabler felon brother. We always had a picture perfect marriage besides his ptsd outbursts and pouting like a child for everything. I let his brother stay with us for a week and the day before thanksgiving we have sex, snuggle say we love each other. I leave the house for two hours to make pies with my family. I come home his things are gone and so is he and his brother. I called his number he changed it. Some say they went to go live in Seattle and he was planning this behind my back. I never knew he never made it seem like we wernt ok..

Thursday, December 10,2015

Moving on

My husband has left me and my kids for the third time. The first time I asked him to leave and he did for about 2 weeks. During that period he trashed my name to all of our mutual friends and posted awful things about me on social media. The second time, he and I got into an argument for stupid reasons and he didn't talk to me for 10 days after that while we stil lived together and then ended up leaving for 4 months. It was the hardest four months ever. This time he's left for about 2 months so far and displays the same behaviors he did when he left the other 2 times.

We have been married for 3 years and he was a model husband on the outside. Everyone used to gush about how much he loved me. He always told me how my much he loved me and that's why I'm the only woman he's ever proposed marriage to. We have a 2 year old daughter together but I have 3 children from a former relationship. He was good to them at first but he after each time he left he became meaner and meaner. Being around him so frustrating and stifling most of the time. It was like walking on egg shells because he was always SO moody. He holds grudges against people and has no friends. He even wasn't speaking to his parents when got married for 2 years! Now, his parents are the best he says. His behavior is bizarre because he never went out, would come straight from work and was a family man. I am a home body too so we were ALWAYS together with the kids. He loved my family and all through the years my oldest son would make comments that something was off about my husband. He stopped talking to my son and tried to turn us against one another. At times I miss him, but he seems to have moved on. Again, this time he slandered my name on social media. Our marriage is irreparable and I filed for divorce this week because I can't be with him. It's too far gone. He not only hurt me but he hurt my kids really bad. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to discuss anything and how he can hate me so much so fast. It's weird. He never paid bills and always wanted sex. I was the one who was and is still holding the household up. Why did he leave? Why did he marry me to do this?

Sunday, March 03,2013

Moving on

My husband has left me and my kids for the third time. The first time I asked him to leave and he did for about 2 weeks. During that period he trashed my name to all of our mutual friends and posted awful things about me on social media. The second time, he and I got into an argument for stupid reasons and he didn't talk to me for 10 days after that while we stil lived together and then ended up leaving for 4 months. It was the hardest four months ever. This time he's left for about 2 months so far and displays the same behaviors he did when he left the other 2 times.

We have been married for 3 years and he was a model husband on the outside. Everyone used to gush about how much he loved me. He always told me how my much he loved me and that's why I'm the only woman he's ever proposed marriage to. We have a 2 year old daughter together but I have 3 children from a former relationship. He was good to them at first but he after each time he left he became meaner and meaner. Being around him so frustrating and stifling most of the time. It was like walking on egg shells because he was always SO moody. He holds grudges against people and has no friends. He even wasn't speaking to his parents when got married for 2 years! Now, his parents are the best he says. His behavior is bizarre because he never went out, would come straight from work and was a family man. I am a home body too so we were ALWAYS together with the kids. He loved my family and all through the years my oldest son would make comments that something was off about my husband. He stopped talking to my son and tried to turn us against one another. At times I miss him, but he seems to have moved on. Again, this time he slandered my name on social media. Our marriage is irreparable and I filed for divorce this week because I can't be with him. It's too far gone. He not only hurt me but he hurt my kids really bad. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to discuss anything and how he can hate me so much so fast. It's weird. He never paid bills and always wanted sex. I was the one who was and is still holding the household up. Why did he leave? Why did he marry me to do this?

Sunday, March 03,2013


My husband and I were together for 21 years. He is a long-haul driver so I was used to him being gone. But then he started missing our anniversaries and when we did go out for date night he refused even look at me or talk to me. I would ask him what was wrong and he would just say he's tired. We had a good marriage, my daughter even said that she wanted to have a relationship like us one day where after 21 years we were still giggling together and holding hands. Then one day when I had the flu and 102° temperature he walked into our bedroom and told me that he never wanted to be married, never loved me and that he had never wanted children. I asked him if there was someone else and he said no (a lie). I agreed to let him stay until he found a place. What a terrible mistake. Two weeks later as I was standing in the kitchen he let me know that he was seeing someone else. I asked him to leave, that I couldn't have him there anymore. I saw him again a few weeks later he said that it was my fault. I asked him to give me reasons and all he could say was I don't know it just is. I remember looking at the man in front of me and thinking oh my God I married a pig. I don't question him and his reasons or excuses but I do question my self and my own judgment. I mean how could I not have seen this, now I don't trust myself.

Friday, October 21,2016


My husband kissed the kids and I goodbye and went to work, and then called me at 9:30pm to say he would feed our then 1 month old son at 11:30pm and to go to sleep. Then when I awoke to my son crying at 11:30pm, I fed him and saw my husband emailed me and said he couldn't do this anymore and was never coming home. He refused to take phone calls and would only email and he ran off to Virginia to be with another woman he met online. He never came back and left the house and everything for me to deal with while I was on maternity leave.

Thursday, September 19,2013


I meant to comment here but ended up spamming and making three new entries ~_~ sorry about that. Anyway I thought of placing my entry here where I originally intended to.

I just discovered this website awhile ago and I cry when I read a similar story which is all of the other stories here so far ...
That day he even texted me "Good morning, honey". Late in the afternoon I called him to discuss the schooling of our daughter which was being decided already by the in-laws. He just snapped all of a sudden and broke up with me saying "we are too different". I had just given birth and our youngest was turning 3 months old at that time.

That happened four months ago and I am still in pain when I think about him. He won't give me a chance to talk face to face. He won't come home and would check in a hotel instead. I begged for him to come back. I don't want a broken family and couldn't accept how easy it seemed for him. I miss him and I still love him and I am still devasted. We've been married for 7 years.

It seems just like yesterday he would say "I love you." And he e-mailed me that our family is very important to him. I forwarded that to him and he said it won't change anything, he also added "Single life is not so bad after all."

I wish I could just let it go. I have a hard time accepting all this and moving on. It also doesn't help that I am a stay at home Mom. For financial reasons he wants to take the kids away and let his Mom take care of them (in another country where education is subsidized by the government and the daily expenses will be covered by the in-laws). I've never held a job before and he said if I insist on keeping the kids he would leave it up to me to support them. I want what's best for the children and I don't have income to support their education here.

I told a friend about this and she said, that is reasonable for financial reasons because the kids' education should've been saved up by the parents and my husband is the bread winner. He is just a practical person.

It's very painful.

Sunday, October 26,2014


I will try to keep this brief. As I was reading your posts on this site, i realized that I am not alone. Which gives me a sense of comfort, during this whole crazy time. Married 17.5 years, I did everything for him in the marriage, handled all details in life, kids, bills, money, et al. Then a week after opening his THIRD attempt at a business he began acting strange, and when i literally pushed him into the corner to ask what the heck was going on that's when he told me, blubbering like an idiot that he was leaving the country to be with his new found gf. The gf is my friends oldest sister, who herself has two grown kids, who she raised with her husband....but now that they are grown she has decided that my husband need not raise his own young children and that he should move thousands of miles away to be with her.

I am in month 4 of his leaving the house, he is still in town here, because he says he is trying to save money so he can move there.....he has made the biggest mistake of his life, and he will find that out soon enough. The kids dont know that he found someone new and that he is moving away....

I am in no way wanting him back, but the one thing i just cant seem to get over is that he has no problem going to visit this new gf (tomorrow for a 3 week holiday) so they can share their happy news that he is still married to me and screwing her...this kind of thinking is driving me nuts. I need to stop thinking about what he will do with her, what his messages say to her, what plans they are making.....

In any case, i know im all over the place with this post but....thought i would just write.

Friday, February 13,2015


My husband and I suffered a devastating miscarriage in December and were elated to find out we were pregnant again the following April. He is a commercial fisherman and left me in June at three months pregnant. When he returned in September, he lied to me and didn't tell me he was in town and I found out through friends that my husband was home. I was shocked. I finally got a hold of him for a face to face and he completely blindsided me by telling me he did not love me and did not want anything to do with our baby. I suggested counseling and everything in the book and he just kept saying that "he would not have someone convince him to love me." I've since had to pack up our home alone and move back into my parents and haven't heard one word from him or his family. I am just devastated. I never thought I would have to go through a divorce while pregnant or figure out how to be a single mother. I never saw this coming...and now he is telling all of our mutual friends that he had felt this way for a while and that he wants the baby now...they are all letting him off the hook because he now wants to be in the baby's life...it makes no sense. I feel absolutely abandoned and betrayed by him and our friends.

Tuesday, September 15,2015


My husband and I went through fertility treatments to conceive our son. Finding out we were finally pregnant was the best day of our marriage. The months I was pregnant were the happiest of my life. The first time I heard his cry, my husband held my hand and we cried together. Then four weeks after our son was born, I was rocking him in the nursery and my husband looked at me and told me he didn't love me any more and didn't think he ever had. He wasn't attracted to me after the pregnancy changes, he thought I was boring, and I made my pregnancy about me and he was miserable. The next day, I received a phone call from his girlfriend. The one it turns out he was with for my entire pregnancy. The one who left her husband and children to be with him. Two weeks later, he was gone, leaving everything behind. Now I find myself a new single mother, trying to pay all the bills he walked away from and take care of everything. It feels unreal to have the best and worst experience of my life take place at the same time.

Monday, November 09,2015


I arrived home on an ordinary Monday to find he'd gone, taken his stuff, taken the dogs we both love......and left a five page letter. That's one page for every five years of our relationship.

Sunday, February 07,2016


My husband told me he had never loved me and asked for a divorce. I thought he was having an affair at the time, but had no proof. It I wasn't the type to snoop. A week after our divorce, he had a girlfriend from a previous job. He had some stupid story about how they were set up by a coworker. The story made no sense because at that particular job, there only around 15 workers when they both worked there; why would they need to be set up if the already knew each other. Fast forward, a year and a half, and I am at daughter's 16th b-day party. She had the party at her dad's place because he had a wii, and she wanted to play the wii. Her dad couldn't make it; he had to work. I was on their computer doing stuff for work, when I got bored and decided to push the picture icon. Well, I was disgusted and pissed at the same time. His pictures were organized by month and in the same folder, he would have x-rated videos of him and the other woman and sweet innocent pictures of daughter, say at her recital. All the folders were like that. I went far enough back to ensure there was an affair. I was in shock, mostly because how easily available his x-rated videos were to access. He still had not married her at the time, and what I realized is that their affair was all about sex. 90% of their photos/videos were sex videos, and the pictures where they wear wearing clothes were all on exciting trips. The pictures made me realize what a loser he really was. First, he had them in the same file as pictures my daughter would want to see, and second, his relationship with her is a complete fantasy. If they did get married, I would doubt that it would last.

Thursday, March 17,2016


It was 2 weeks after our 2nd daughter had been born. It was a Sunday morning and he just seemed so agitated and stressed. I asked him what was wrong, he said nothing. But you know when you can tell there's something not right.

I pushed him and he started with he has feelings for someone else. The person turns out to be his ex wife. This turns to they've been sending messages. Then I realised this wasn't the truth and I asked him outright, had they been sleeping together. Turns out they had been sleeping together the whole time we were together. Throughout both pregnancies, throughout the time he proposed.

I'm glad we didn't get down the aisle in the end. I'm 4/5 weeks on and it's hard but easier everyday. I struggle trying to do everything for my girls without much help but they are born so young and I know it will get better.

The part that hurts the most is the depth of the betrayal and lies. That I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a man who didn't care enough to consider his children or me, just what he wanted. It also hurts he has gone from loving husband to be and family man to living in a shared house, sleeping with his ex and pretending like he's done the right thing and is now doing right by everyone. He truly doesn't get how much hurt and pain he has caused.

Wednesday, September 21,2016


Sorry Clare, I know this is so painful. For me too, it was the betrayal and lies that hurt the most...Shit happens and people fall out of love etc....but the lies and betrayal, disrespect for the mother of his children and partner, is incomprehensible and the most hurtful. It causes deep pain. Personally has damaged my trust so much that I am convinced that I am better single. I thought he was the one I could trust, and he wasn't. Cheated on me also for much of our 18 years of marriage but I found this out after he left. So now I can only trust myself. I am pretty good right now and my daughters, now grown up, respect me, and love me, and my life is okay, even if there is a void when I come home to my safe place. I am hoping some day I can love a man again, but it has to be a pretty darn good man! By the way, after he lived with his cute new woman for a few years he committed suicide. He was a mixed up man. I feel for you, but also his ex-wife, as that will never work out. Whatever happens do not let him back into your life, he is one fucked up person that will not make you happy! xoxoxoCC

Wednesday, September 21,2016

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