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"The Hug" by Lauren Goldman

The Abandoned Wife's Guide to Recovery and Renewal, the new book by Vikki Stark, M.S.W. will help you understand what happened in your life and learn how to use this crisis as an opportunity for a better future!

To order a paper copy of the book through Amazon.com, click here

To immediately download a PDF version, click here

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Reactions from women who have read the book:

Thank you so much for this wonderful book! I experienced a whole range of emotions as I read along sometimes tears, sometimes giggles but a whole lot of head nodding and "Yep, that was him all right!" as I turned the pages. Your book and your website have provided invaluable comfort and support in my journey towards recovery from this life altering event.

Jean from Philadelphia.

I sat down and devoured your book - read it so fast with lots of highlights in yellow! I'm sure I will reread it many times. Lying in bed, out jumped your belief about brain tumour and abduction by aliens. I burst into hysterical laughter until I collapsed in hysterical tears. Those were my exact same thoughts.

Carmella from San Diego.

I received your book and couldn't put it down until I finished it. It is an absolutely outstanding book that has so eloquently portrayed almost to a tee everything that I've experienced in the last several months.

Linda from Sydney, Australia.

PLEASE NOTE: This website is dedicated to helping women who were abandoned by their husbands but it is important to state that wives also abandon their marriages without prior notice, although not at the same frequency. It is also important to highlight the fact that not all men who choose to end their marriage do so in this way.

What we need most of all to recover from Wife Abandonment Syndrome is each other!

Here you get the chance to tell your story to other women who really know what you are talking about. The goal of this "town square" is to provide support and encourage healing for yourself and others. Please feel free to write about your thoughts and experience, but most of all, let's all share the tricks we used to "make it through the night" in the early days, and the wisdom we gained that helped us "bounce back better" when we were further along the road to healing. There's strength in numbers - let's give each other that strength.

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Saturday, March 08,2008


Many women move on to another partner after their divorces and I wish that I could do this,too, because even though I have women friends and a social life, I'm lonely. I miss my husband and feel something like a heavy weight in my chest when I think about him, even though it's been a long time now.A psychologist I saw told me that she thought I was suffering from something very close to post-traumatic stress syndrome and my experience still weighs very heavily upon my mind and spirit. I constantly fight the thought that when people, both men and women, really get to know me,they'll reject me. I had a problem with rejection before this experience but now it overwhelms me. M.

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Oh honey. I know how you feel. Mine has been gone for two years and I miss him, I miss him so much. I've had dreams of him, when i wake up I can taste him, smell him. It hurts. Then I've had dreams of him being dismissive, hurtful to me. I don't know which one is worse. I am getting better though. I miss my life now more then him sometimes, and that's good because even though I miss my life it's not him! I moved far away from him because I just couldn't take the chance of an encounter. I knew I would lose it. I went back recently and I was scared that I would see him. I guess I still have this fantasy that he'll see me and he would realize he made a mistake, but I know that's not going to happen. So I avoid him, it hurts so much to see him. It's very hard. If we were apart for more then a day.... well, we would be very happy to see each other. I find it hard to believe that doesn't miss me. How could he not miss me? I ask myself that all the time. My husband no longer exist, he's dead. He's not coming back. (That's a hard thing for me to say, still). How do we stop this freak show of mourning a man who is not dead, driving ourselves crazy for something that is not reality, letting go. It's the hardest thing I've ever encountered in my life. When they councel addicts they tell them, one day at a time. It's the same. One foot in front of the other, and hold your head up, only the weak members of the pack walk with their heads down (a great pair of heals help). When I went to the court house for my divorce I wore a killer outfit, I looked like a million bucks. It gave me confidence. Mind you, when I got home my girlfriend found me in that fabulous outfit, crying in my kitchen with a beer in my hand. There is no simple answer, if I had one I'd be a rich woman. For me it's time, family and friends. Mixed together can be very healing. I anxiously await the day when this will be just a horrible memory, just a memory. Try not to spend too much time alone, I tried that, it doesn't work. If it wasn't for my friends dragging me out of my house and back to my life this process would have been way worse. Chin up, baby.

Tuesday, March 11,2008

Ida Estelle

I love you all--I am so very sorry. Do not be afraid, all who have been abandoned--you really are not alone. But when you feel alone and sad--then cry--face the sadness. Let it come and it will go--don't hold back. Then--begin to focus on your life, you future, your dreams, plans and goals. If you did not have any start, a little planning at a time--what is it that you always wanted to do? Where did you always want to travel? More importantly, begin a new search for spirutual awareness--whether you are Catholic, Buddhist, Jewish, Agnostic--go within. Your strength is within--it is there. But you find it only when you are alone. And, believe it or not, this alone time is the season for you to deepen your spiritual awareness and awaken the power within to become the beautiful soul you were born to be.

Sunday, March 23,2008


Eight days ago I came home from a dinner out with friends (the first I had taken in about two years since I wasn't usually "allowed" to be away from home) and my husband looked at me and said "I don't love you and I'm leaving". At first he planned to stay around until we could afford to split out finances, but that quickly changed and he moved in with his Mom yesterday.

I have three children ages 10, 12 and 15. They are his step children but he has raised all of them for the past 8 years, they consider him their father and he claims he feels the same.

I wasn't allowed to work while we were married, he is a police officer and didn't think it proper, so I have no work skills other than an online bookstore I ran for several years (since the economy went to crap that went to crap too) and I've been very ill-I have a 6mm growth in my lung that the doctors want to remove but the husband is unwilling to take off the time to watch the kids while I recover. He HAS maintained a relationship with them so far-but its only been 8 days and he just actually physically left yesterday.

My terror is overwhelming me...because of my middle son being autistic I have no choice but to work nights-his school day ends earlier than the others and there is simply no way I could afford childcare. The ex has agreed to pay the bills (he emptied our bank accounts a few days ago) for the next two months, but since we were buying this house from his Mom she wants me out by February (actually she said June but he talked her into Feb because he knows the job market is horrible and I'm ill) I managed to apply for and receive food stamps, since while he is paying the bills for the house he isn't giving me anything to actually live on. I am scared to death and the fear is paralyzing me which is just making it worse...I'm looking for jobs but they are few and far between and my kids are devastated. I'm going to start trying to see if I can find some sort of training program or job placement through the state that might be able to help me, but even once I'm employed I'm not sure how I'll do-my lung function is at 50%. I just needed to rant this fear out somewhere and I'm reading Vikki's book (thank you Vikki, its helping a lot) and was hoping someone might have some suggestions. I cannot pursue legal action because its been made very clear that I will be out on my ear immediately and his help for the next few months will stop. In fact just to get the help I had to agree to no-fault divorce, and to give up my share of the title on the house (its worth less than is owed on it anyway). I have no friends to speak of that are close and my Dad is in NH..he is planning on moving down here in July to try and be of assistance but he's nearly 73 and I'm not sure whether I'm ruining his life by asking for help or if we are holding up each other....

Okay enough whining. THank you for listening and excuse the grammatical errors, my brain isn't quite functioning yet.

Saturday, April 30,2011

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