You have found the place where you can learn about a dramatic and unexpected way some husbands end their marriages – by abandoning their wives.

• She believed she was in a good stable marriage until her husband surprised her out-of-the-blue with the news that it was over


• She was completely unaware that he was thinking of leaving, or even unhappy


• He moved out quickly (often with a girlfriend)


• From the moment of his announcement, his treatment of his wife changed dramatically from protective to persecuting

W.A.S. IN MY LIFE
I am a family therapist and writer and I care deeply about helping women recover from the shock of Wife Abandonment Syndrome. I know how devastating it can be – it happened to me. After my husband of twenty-one years suddenly left what I believed to be a happy marriage and moved in with his long-term girlfriend, I began researching the phenomenon of wife abandonment. I found out that his behavior during and after his bizarre flight from our marriage was uncannily similar to that of many other husbands who suddenly left their unsuspecting wives.

THE SUDDEN WIFE ABANDONMENT PROJECT (S.W.A.P.)
That realization led to the establishment of the definition of Wife Abandonment Syndrome. I am now conducting a study called the Sudden Wife Abandonment Project (S.W.A.P.) and am interviewing and receiving on-line questionnaires from women to whom this has happened. The outcome of the study will lead to the publication of Runaway Husbands: Making Sense and Bouncing Back from a Divorce You Didn't See Coming.

UNDERSTANDING THE MYSTERY OF W.A.S.
These pages will begin to clarify the mystery of Wife Abandonment Syndrome. You will start to understand how a man who seemed to be a devoted husband could have hidden his true intentions from his wife until the day that he suddenly left. You will learn the vocabulary necessary to describe what happens. These pages will act as a "town square" in which women can meet with others who have walked in their shoes; women who will provide each other with the support needed to become fighters for their happiness – not only to pick up the pieces, but to build an even better life for themselves.

Here are some stories from S.W.A.P. participants about the early days following the announcement that their husband was leaving. Each of these women had previously believed that she was in a good marriage:

From Eleanor in San Diego
One afternoon, he called me from work; there was a stand-offish tone in his voice. We spoke briefly, about nothing . . . no argument, just small talk and then he said, “I can’t do this anymore.” I said, “Do what anymore?” suspicious, but thinking, he must be talking about this dumb conversation we were having. And he said, “I can’t continue this relationship anymore.” And I said, “What? Why? What do you mean?” And he said, “I just can’t.” And that was literally the last conversation I ever had with him. He came and took his things from home while I was at work. He never took any of my phone calls. I never got an answer about why this was happening. I never even got another glance-in-my-direction from him.

From Naomi in New York City
I was most certainly physically affected. I threw up every morning for about six months and the sight of food made me feel sick. I weighed about 125 lbs. the day he left and within a couple of months, the scale said 98 lbs. I decided to stop getting on the scale, but I know when my size 12 clothes were falling off and I was able to get into size 6. On top of that, I could not stop crying. The doctor gave me pills to sleep. However, thanks to my mother, I stopped taking them. When I did, I cried even more and it took a few nights before I could sleep. My mother’s advice was, "Eventually you will get tired enough and sleep."

From Barbara-Anne in Vancouver
I felt humiliated, angry and very hurt, betrayed and completely confused. It seemed to come so out-of-the-blue – so dramatic – so final and no explanation. I was so confused as to why? Why something so dramatic and so serious – point finale? "It's over! Deal with it!"